#tw: mention of cutting

[cannibalcreepers]

(I'm just going to get this one out of the way this is the one that was saying maybe personal to you and that it is to me) How would the hiliker brothers react to finding out that their s/o is suicidal and and the only reason they found that out is because they found her cutting herself. Separately

TW// Mention of Suicide, Mention of Cutting 

I am not someone who is really good with dealing with another person who suffers from suicidal thoughts and actions, as someone who suffers to a similar situation I had to think on how the boys will act.  It is hard because on one hand they could be extremely dismissive and uncaring or they may attempt something if they care enough.  They care about each other enough to do something so with a s/o who has developed a deep relationship with them, I wrote them as though they care enough. 

So let’s get into it

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There is one thing to surely know about the Hilliker Brothers is they are not stupid to the concept of suicide and mental illness, they had been stolen and placed into a Sanatorium after all and have both seen and done many things, they themselves had cause self inflicted injuries themselves, more out of inbred cannibalistic insanity than depression or suicidal tendencies. 

They kind of understood how and why it happens, as children they had seen how it unravels in people, witnessed patients, guards and nurses harm themselves or commit suicide, sometimes because of what the three brothers done to push the staff members to such horrible fates by terrorizing them.  

So when they came across you cutting yourself, they would each react in their own way. 

Saw-Tooth:

His first reaction in catching you in the act of slicing into your thigh, the large man almost broke your wrist when he grabbed you to tear the small pocket knife from your grasp. You had let out a scream when he had grabbed you, more from the fact he had came out of nowhere and spooked you than the fact he grabbed you so harshly

Saw-Tooth let out a deep gutted growl as he lifted you up to your feet, ignoring your protests and tears, he would grab at your thigh and gave it a squeeze which caused more blood to ooze and trickle down your leg, the pain now more painfully searing than how it felt when cut into it. It was Saw-Tooth's way of demanding what you were doing, as though he was trying to ask '‘Why?!’ as his eyes glared into yours. 

You had to try and remember who you were in the presence of, Saw-Tooth was sadly the least emotionally sensitive of the three boys and all he saw was you damaging yourself for no good reason. But all you could do was sputter and sob at how he was reacting, cause him to huff and drop you down and look at the wounds you inflicted on yourself, giving you demanding gestures to clean yourself up.  After cleaning up the blood, patching yourself up and wiping away your tears, all under the disapproving glare of the large cannibal, would you slowly reach up to take a hold of one of his fingers, which he allowed. Your thumb tracing of the wrinkles and ridges of his skin before opening up to explain why you had such thoughts and how you felt as though you deserve to be harmed and hurting both on the outside and inside. 

Now that his temper had resided, he would take time to listen to your story and understand why you were doing what you were doing. He was silent, thinking of what he could do to make you stop but not much could be done other than to confiscate any sharp items in your presence and to have you watched 24/7. When you had finished, he would glance over to your teary face and reach up to stroke your cheek with his knuckles gently, catching a tear and wiping it away as he let out a gentle grunt, a small way of showing he did care about what was happening. From then on he’d be more observant, you will lose alone-time privileges and have at least one of the boys around you at all times, you had also lost any gifted weapons and not allowed to use sharp or dangerous objects without supervision. It was the price of keeping you safe from yourself, Saw-Tooth would be controlling and in his mind it was for your own good.

Three-Fingers:

You had not even heard the smaller brother coming up to where you were hiding in the bathroom, you had snuck away to deal with the personal intrusive thoughts pushing their way into your brain, it was too much and you had to do something to deal with them all.  So as you were curled up, a piece of broken glass in hand that was already covered in small droplets of your blood, you did not expect a thin gloved hand with only three deformed fingers to suddenly wrap around your bleeding arm and yank you up from where you were in the tub. Three-Fingers was strong for someone so thin and small, he was able to easily pull you up out of the tub and onto the bathroom floor, his grip tight enough that it felt like he was going to snap your arm in half as you let out a gasp and stared at him in shock from how he was currently treating you. He looked angry, twisting your arm to look at the cuts that was leaking blood down your pretty skin, his hairless brows coming together as he was trying to figure out why you were hurting yourself, you were no good dead, did you not understand how much he and his brothers cared for you and looked after you? 

You had let out a small whimper at how angry he looked, the fear in your eyes was enough to make him hesitate, his sharp blues staring deep into yours as he was trying to read you before letting go to grab something to stop the bleeding. He wanted you to explain yourself, but for now you were too much in tears to say a word as he was wiping away any blood and began wrapping up the wounds.

So through a series of sniffles, sobs and mumbles did you finally get to explain why you were cutting into yourself, the feelings you felt and the thoughts in your head and Three-Fingers was silent through the whole of it, not like he could say anything being as neither brothers could speak a single sentence of coherent words. When you were finished talking, your large wet eyes staring at the cannibal's face, your bottom lip out in a slight pout which he reached out to run a thumb across gently before moving it to stroke back your hair. He would give you a smile and tug you close to his body so he could wrap his arms around your body and hug you close, without words it was enough to tell you he was going to keep you safe and not alone, this was a struggle you wouldn’t need to be alone for though he could not help you all the way through, with some help from his brothers you would be a bit more monitored of course, he would become more wary of having deadly items around you now but would not confiscate them like a certain big man would. He would become a little more affection than normal and would encourage the other two to do so as well, as he thinks it would be a way to fix these thoughts you are having. Either way, you end up getting more hugs and attention than ever before.

One-Eye:

In many ways the middle child Hilliker was not the brightest in picking up signs of something not being right, while his brothers could sense danger a mile away, he was the kind of person who wouldn’t notice someone crawling under his feet. 

So when he comes across you digging into your wrist with one of the many knives that littered their home, he froze and stared at you and in response to being caught you did the exact same. Your eyes went wide and breath hitched at having this sweet man catch you in such a vulnerable state,  his expression gave away how confused he was at what he was seeing as though his brain was trying to figure out how you ended up getting blood over your arm and why you had cuts. But your sudden wave of emotions that hit you was enough to snap One-Eye out of his confused state as he quickly hurried to your sobbing form and wrapped his arms around you, pressing his forehead against your as he began rubbing your shoulder with one hand and the other reaching out to gently take the knife from your hand. One-Eye was not like his brothers in temper, he didn’t burst into rage so easily or quickly, this you were more thankful off as you turned your face and buried it deep into his neck as you let yourself sob as he did his best to clean up you arm, running a thumb over the open wounds which made them sting a bit more. He was confused by the scenario but was not going to let that stop him from helping you get cleaned up and feel safe, or what he thought made you feel safe. He didn’t demand anything from you other than tugging at you to stand up and follow him out of the bathroom and into the main living area where he could pull you to lay in bed and just hold you there. 

Without any sounds or disapproving looks One-Eye had done more by just holding you close than what the other two boys could do, sure it was no cure and your mental state was not fixed but it helped you in this current time as he just ran his fingers through your hair and down your spine, letting you rest your head on his chest and just hear his heavy set breathing and the drum of his heart beat. He would not let his brothers know if you wanted it to be kept a secret, but from now on One-Eye would be more vigilant in watching you and keep an eye out on what made you harm yourself. When you were ready you could tell the boy having him fully understand will be a challenge but he will listen to you just talking, hearing your words but not taking them in is what One-Eye does best and it gives you a chance to spill anything from your chest without judgment. This boy is really only good for hugs and smooches, if that is all the comfort you need that is all you will receive. 

[iwannahidethetruth]

How've you been feeling? Cut lately?

Nah I’ve been good, don’t do that anymore. 

How are you?

[the-alice-of-hearts]

sometimes I really want to curl up in bed all warm and cozy and never get up. and sometimes instead of just staying curled up I turn to a sharp friend to help me relieve the stress that I can't even place. I feel like I'm drowning right now and I don't know how to fix it. I never have. I can help people with their problems and I even have been able to fix quite a few.. but I can't solve my own problems. I mean hell how can I solve a problem when I don't know what is causing it? 

The days that I feel like this are the days that I have to try so hard to smile. I have to try harder to keep the pain off my face, and somehow I keep accomplishing it. Somehow no one can see how much pain I am in. 

except sometimes I think my roommate does see it. and he makes me get out of bed, and he has me lay with him in his bed, still warm and cozy, but no longer alone. and I'm not sure if he is truly seeing how much pain I am in or if he just doesn't want to be alone either.

but those are the days that it is worth it. those are the days I don't regret making friends. I still feel like I am drowning, but instead of just darkness I can see some light. and no matter how deep I get he seems to always know just when to shine a light over me. seems to always know when I need a hand held out so that I can make my way back to the surface. 

I still am battling whatever it is that I am feeling and I still have battle scars over my legs that sometimes release red. but at least for now until he graduates I have someone who seems to see the real me. and honestly that is more than I could ever ask for. 

I just hope that once he is gone I don't do anything drastic, but I've never been good at keeping promises about not hurting myself...

[woahcashel]

Withdrawls || Nate & Cashel

  It had only been three days.  Three days before Cashel started getting anxious.  He needed it, he really did.  He glanced down at his arms, and the red marks were starting to fade.  Cas promised himself he wouldn’t do it, especially not after Nate had gotten pissed at him.  Nate, the only person other then himself that knew Cas cut.  The boy had promised to help him with this, and Cas was willing to hold that against him. 

As Cas rolled out of bed, he stumbled quickly to the table.  His vision grew dark for a moment as he had gotten up to swift for his head to handle.  He ignored it and reached for his quill an parchment.  He wrote shakily on it;

“Please meet me in your workroom, please Nate. –C”

He rolled up the parchment and gave it to his owl, turning on his heels not caring to watch his owl depart.

Cashel wasn’t sure how he knew the way to the room, but he did.  He kept his pace quick and his head down, knowing the anxiety and need would only worsen seeing the looks he might get for it.  Throwing open the first door to the room, Cas reached in his robes for his wand knowing the second door was locked.  After feeling around, he realized quickly he left his wand in his room.  He hit the door in frustration, and turned against it.  He had felt his heart quick as he slide down the door.  Cas’s breathing shallowed and he knew he was going into a panic attack.  Tugging his knees to his chest, Cas laid his head on them tearing up slightly.  “Please, Nate, please.” He whispered to himself tightening his grip on his knees.

[sorcierex]

;headcanons for physiological stuff

Ultear is deathly afraid of needles as a result of her traumatic past. She tries not to show it, but as a needle nears her skin, she begins to wimp out like a little girl. (Submitted by anon)

Ultear is not fond of heights This is mostly because as a child, she was put into the middle of a gaping hole while needles and sharp objects pricked at her and electrocuted her. 

Ultear does not know how to handle love. Sure, platonic and motherly love were okay, but when it came to romantic relationships she would freeze and get a bit scared. In her mind, it’s childish, but that’s how she feels. She’s not used, nor does she expect someone to love her like that. 

Most of her fears are the roots of her actions, she wants to get over them but knows she truly cannot. Childhood trauma is the biggest effect on her as a person.

She sometimes gets Anxiety. Especially when it involves her mother, or other things she wishes not to speak about. Her eyes water up and she cries, but she does it alone.

In order to cope with the anxiety, she reads. If not, she sometimes lets her magic out. The worse thing she’s ever done is physically hurt herself.

She keeps her heart over ice, though sometimes people can melt that ice and see her kindness.

She has a very high IQ.

She hates herself.